I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize