Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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