The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
