great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
