So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
