It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
