we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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