Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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