Christians are straight up FREAKS
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
