You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
