Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
