What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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