Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
