it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
