Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
