please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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