i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
