he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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