Buhtt sex?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
