I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
