Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
