the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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