i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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