If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
