Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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