Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin

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(802): i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin http://tfl.nu/0a0z

Replies (14) Good night (1047) Bad night (2230)
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(913): View more from Kansas

checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.

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(913): checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad. http://tfl.nu/40qb

Replies (27) Good night (1908) Bad night (7455)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.

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(724): noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success. http://tfl.nu/klpq

Replies (8) Good night (3551) Bad night (995)
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(772): View more from Florida

I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"

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(772): I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up" http://tfl.nu/z0ws

Replies (12) Good night (2251) Bad night (949)
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(818): View more from California

I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.

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(818): I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me. http://tfl.nu/gx3h

Replies (4) Good night (1087) Bad night (2226)
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(458): View more from Oregon

I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.

(350): View more from

You are my idol.

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(458): I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation. (350): You are my idol. http://tfl.nu/xq85

Replies (21) Good night (3481) Bad night (1129)
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(519): View more from Ontario

i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.

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(519): i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying. http://tfl.nu/5e1o

Replies (5) Good night (817) Bad night (1307)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.

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(505): I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am. http://tfl.nu/o50r

Replies (26) Good night (3692) Bad night (847)
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(518): View more from New York

How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.

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(518): How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day. http://tfl.nu/rh3z

Replies (6) Good night (1726) Bad night (633)
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(+27): View more from South Africa

I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.

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(+27): I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me. http://tfl.nu/p5fs

Replies (13) Good night (596) Bad night (1056)
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(330): View more from Ohio

He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.

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(330): He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life. http://tfl.nu/pmkh

Replies (5) Good night (1240) Bad night (554)
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(410): View more from Maryland

We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.

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(410): We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off. http://tfl.nu/hhrd

Replies (26) Good night (4523) Bad night (757)
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(812): View more from Indiana

I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.

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(812): I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle. http://tfl.nu/j0rx

Replies (1) Good night (817) Bad night (350)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.

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(314): I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle. http://tfl.nu/q65f

Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (346)
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(727): View more from Florida

I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.

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(727): I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair. http://tfl.nu/scdv

Replies (1) Good night (230) Bad night (392)

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