Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!

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  (248): Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count! http://tfl.nu/jr1g
  Replies (5) Good night (834) Bad night (780)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.

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  (703): How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time. http://tfl.nu/qie0
  Replies (2) Good night (1420) Bad night (502)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.

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  (317): ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions. http://tfl.nu/8qmh
  Replies (23) Good night (3753) Bad night (729)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.

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  (989): It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat. http://tfl.nu/ln17
  Replies (28) Good night (5968) Bad night (1349)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.

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  (520): Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already. http://tfl.nu/ffp6
  Replies (18) Good night (4801) Bad night (1119)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.

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  (303): Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious. http://tfl.nu/zbxr
  Replies (7) Good night (1470) Bad night (905)
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  (914): View more from New York

  If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.

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  (914): If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run. http://tfl.nu/cpd8
  Replies (2) Good night (1489) Bad night (534)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party

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  (734): it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party http://tfl.nu/d8h2
  Replies (8) Good night (1475) Bad night (584)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?

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  (832): I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal? http://tfl.nu/mk58
  Replies (7) Good night (1011) Bad night (428)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.

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  (+44): You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon. http://tfl.nu/b5ax
  Replies (2) Good night (555) Bad night (274)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.

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  (706): I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea. http://tfl.nu/y332
  Replies (5) Good night (432) Bad night (236)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.

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  (313): Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here (702): Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze. http://tfl.nu/43v0
  Replies (1) Good night (543) Bad night (303)
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  (714): View more from California

  GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!

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  (714): GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo! http://tfl.nu/3so0
  Replies (2) Good night (929) Bad night (199)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again

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  (602): I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again http://tfl.nu/of7p
  Replies (1) Good night (449) Bad night (230)
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  (451): View more from

  Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'

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  (451): Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole' http://tfl.nu/cajz
  Replies (1) Good night (191) Bad night (365)

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