So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Small penises have feelings too.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae