where am i from again
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
