I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.