she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Women Confess The Weirdest Things Men Wanted From Them
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like