when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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