Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.