if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
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Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.