she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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