guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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