Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
