theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
