yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
