Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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