I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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