How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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