I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You've changed since you got that strap on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
