I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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