just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
