you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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