I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
