I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
