My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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