I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
