They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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