i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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