If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
