Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
