She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
