We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
