i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
