I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There r osticjed everywhere
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
