Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
