I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
