im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
