i permit you to call me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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