Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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