I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
