be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
