My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
