weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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