Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
