I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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