If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
