I think i peed on brittanys purse
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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