Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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