the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
