We're like a lot better than the average bears
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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