Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Blood and glitter go together right?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
