I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
