Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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