I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
