What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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