The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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