so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
