1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
