how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Who died my cat blue again?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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